What started out as an attempt at fun and adventure with a new man slowly turned into feelings of wanting more. Upon that realization, the man made a quick exit without any parting words. Any thoughts, feelings, or terms of endearment shared between the two of us suddenly felt pointless and foolish. I had attempted something new and failed at it, leaving me with a lost sense of who I was and who I was actually trying to be. I was the voiceless half of an imaginary relationship that I’d pretended was something good.
I was hopeful about something he carefully did not promise. Yet I chose to keep my eyes closed upon the very obvious. He kept me at an arm’s distance and I was foolishly happy to stay there. He’s the one who determined our time together and I happily followed along, believing that would somehow show him how dedicated I could be if he were to ever want me to be something more in his life. Unfortunately, I was a plaything he tossed aside once he was done playing.
I look back at the pleasant moments with him and I want so very much to revel only on the good times. However, the reality of what has happened has cast a dark shadow on the good times, tainting those memories- at least until my heart heals.
Yes, he was smooth and said all the right things that distracted me from the things he didn’t say. Yet it was my intuition, as slow as it was, that finally told me that I’d be nothing more than what I already was to him.
I believe it was my request that we talk that caused him to disappear, probably knowing that I’d finally realized he did not want me to be a serious part of his life. Perhaps it was cowardice that prevented him from contacting me again. I’ll say it happened once I took my power back. I’ve never chased a man who showed no interest in me, nor will I begin now. From now on, I vow to keep my power, no matter how trivial the relationship.
I’ve learned my bitter lesson.
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