My Inner Battle

Perhaps it’s reaching out to everyone I know to tell them I’m searching for a husband that’s got me scared to finish this thing. But more than that, I think I’m startingPatio Pic to think differently about this whole project and it seems to have paralyzed me. Let me explain.

It started in the early days of June, when I was focused on finishing up the school year as a teacher. The school year was a bit more stressful than what I was used to so I was determined to get out of teaching altogether. My focus was now in writing as a profession, whether it be as a copywriter, a ghost writer, or any other niche I felt would work for me. And in focusing on this, I kind of put my husband project aside. I kept it in the back of my mind because I knew that I had to eventually write about it on my blog. In putting it in the back of my mind, I found that I wasn’t feeling lonely, so I did not feel the need to continue my husband project. And in not feeling that need, I started thinking, do I actually want a man or do I just want him so that I could have my babies? If that was the case, then what was I doing wasting time? I could be pregnant within the month if I went to a sperm bank. Then I started thinking about it more and more. Am I chickening out of my steps or was I being realistic about what I actually want?

I discussed these concerns with none other than my sister, who is also my mentor in this endeavor. She feels that I’m thinking about all of this because things are not moving fast enough for me. I assured her that I never thought that this process would move quickly therefore her reasoning could not be right. But she reiterated her point, stressing that if change were to occur right away for me, then I would see the project and the process differently. Then I would not doubt whether I should continue with it. But my argument is if I am doubting whether I should do it, isn’t that a sign that I shouldn’t? Or perhaps I’m giving myself permission to quit!

So I once again had to ask: what is my motivation? My motivation for finding a husband is to ultimately have my twins. I do want to fall in love. I do want companionship. But ultimately, I know that I need to make a decision and I just don’t know anymore if that decision should necessarily include a husband. I’m just so unclear about everything and I just don’t know if I am making the decisions that I am supposed to be making. Am I to reconsider? I just don’t know.

There was one friend who told me to be careful. She rushed into a marriage and having a child with her husband. Her baby wasn’t even a year old when they separated and now they are going through an ugly divorce. I thanked her for her warning, knowing that would not be me. But why am I still thinking about it? That was her reality but it doesn’t have to be mine.

And then there’s this former colleague that I recently had drinks with and she joked about going broke from her divorce and being single again. The fact that she kept bringing it up in her inebriated state showed that she was hurting. I later learned that she was more focused on having children than a husband at the time of her wedding. Why is her situation still floating in my mind? Why am I focusing on her negative?

I ask myself: is my hesitance to contact everyone I know to tell them of my project a sign that I should not go through with it? Or am I conveniently interpreting it this way to get out of doing something that scares me? I just don’t really know what to do anymore.

One thing I do know: it’s always best to go with your first instinct. When I first started this project, I bravely admitted that I had an inspired thought to do this project and inspired thoughts should always be honored. My first instinct was to go through with this project; that is just what I’m going to do…until I need to write about it again!

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Perfecting My Brand

Hello all!
For those of you just tuning in, I am in the midst of pursuing my goal in an ambitious project where I follow a 15-step program from a book called Find a Husband After 35. These steps will help me “market” myself in a way that will highlight my positive attributes.

One of those steps involves creating a brand for myself (fit, disciplined, author) and then using that brand to promote myself to all the people I know. I had already taken one set of photos at the park and worked on a 30 second pitch, as recommended by the author. So, I went back to the park last weekend in my athletic gear, this time sporting an iPad instead of my laptop. I tried different poses but my favorite happens to be the one against the tree.

Brand 9Brand 8

So! I have about 4 poses, two outfits and one pitch all ready for me to take the next step in the book.  The last time I wrote, I told you I’d work on my 30-second pitch. My revision:

I am a beautiful, smart and educated woman who’s in fantastic shape. My goal is to meet someone wonderful who will be happy to share and appreciate my creativity as an author, my independence, and my dedication to the things I find important. This includes not only my family, staying fit, and my writing, but also my wish to have children of my very own. So if you know anyone who is willing to put up with a fun and health-minded woman who would like to someday have a family, send him my way!

Depending on how I read this and my different uses of inflection, this pitch is anywhere between 24 and 31 seconds. I think I’m set!

Okay folks! The moment of truth! This is when I send personalized emails to everyone I know telling them about my goal to find a husband and to introduce myself to all of them as a fit, disciplined author. Aah! Wish me luck!!

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The Launch of My Brand

Hello everyone! I wanted to update my readers on what I’ve been working on. In my previous post, “What Makes Me Different” (6.7.16) I announced the brand Brand 7that the author of Find a Husband After 35 suggested for Step 5. My brand is: Fit. Disciplined. Author.
I’ve since been to the park for a mini photoshoot that hopefully clearly illustrates my brand. I had several ideas about working out or stretching at a park to show my fit side, with a laptop and my iPod to show my authorship. The fact that I’ve combined these two hopefully illustrates my discipline in both activities. My sister took over 50 pictures of me, so I had SO MUCH to choose from. The ones that appear below will not be featured in my final email to friends. The ones I chose have the words fit, disciplined and author across them. It was fun taking these pictures and even more fun choosing the ones that made the final cut. But I’m not done yet!

 

Brand 6Brand 4
I want to go back and take different pictures with different active wear before I start contacting people about my brand and my goals. And I also want to take my sister’s suggestion of perfecting my 30 second “commercial”. My pitch was: I am a beautiful, smart and educated author who’s in fantastic shape, and is looking to meet someone wonderful. In the words of my mentor/sister: “I like your blurb! But it’s not 30 seconds. If they’re 2 different things, then in the longer version, you should definitely say something like: ‘looking to meet someone wonderful that shares and appreciates these qualities…’ And definitely remind them of your independence and even that you’re driven and fun loving.” My new pitch, still a work in progress and not yet 30 seconds long, is:

I am a beautiful, smart and educated author who’s in fantastic shape, and I’m looking to meet someone wonderful who will be happy to share and appreciate my creativity, my independence, and my dedication to the things I find important. This includes not only my family and my writing, but also my wish to have children of my very own. So if you know anyone who is willing to put up with a fun and loving gorgeous woman, send him my way!

What do you think? Once I’ve perfected this pitch to my sister’s satisfaction, I will be ready with several different kinds of images and a great “commercial” that will help me be successful in landing a date with someone through my “direct mail” efforts.

Wish me luck!!

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Promoting Myself (or Why I’m Such a Great Catch)

Sitting in ChairFind a Husband After 35. Step 6. Advertising: Promote Your Personal Brand

This step is really going to test my comfort level. Greenwald, the author now wants me to actually tell people about myself through advertising and highlighting the brand I chose back in Step 4! Fit, disciplined, author: that’s me! According to Greenwald, “[t]here are two key groups of people who need to be aware of your brand: those who can fix you up on dates, and your dates themselves” (97). She highlights three specific ways in which to go about advertising myself and my brand: direct-mail, word-of-mouth and a 30-second commercial.

Direct-mail. She literally wants me to send a card to everyone in my address book “that showcases [my] personal brand” (99). Her clients actually got greeting cards created just to send out to people with pictures of themselves that highlighted their brands! And…they personalized each card, specifically asking to be set up! Well, in today’s day, the best way to communicate is through e-mail, so I guess I’ll be sending emails out. If you know me personally, look out for an e-card from me!! Or maybe I’ll just send out a mass e-mail. Decisions!

Word-of-Mouth. Greenwald suggests I “select ten people [I] know who have large social networks so [my] message will have the farthest reach” (102). I am to “project [my] brand to them in a subtle way, and strongly hint that [I am] open to being fixed up” (102). Okay. This isn’t too bad. I can inject this information during the parties I will be attending and during down time at work, making a joke of it so as not to appear so desperate (can you tell that this is a fear of mine?). She does present it well when she says” [t]he goal is to look for opportunities in conversations with [people] to communicate your three unique attributes” (105).

30-Second Commercial. Obviously, this is not a real commercial like we see on TV. This is a 30 second blurb (if you will) highlighting the most interesting and appealing things about myself. According to the author, I “need a ready-made pitch about [myself] for potential dates or friends who might fix [me] up” (105). She describes this as a “sincere, thoughtful, catchy, perhaps even witty description of how [I’d] hope to be described to a potential blind date” (105). Let me know what you think of my pitch: I am a beautiful, smart and educated author who’s in fantastic shape, and is looking to meet someone wonderful.

This doesn’t seem too bad! Now I have to admit that my sister, who is also my mentor in this endeavor of mine, has ripped into me, understandably getting on my case for not completing Step 1, which was to tell everyone I know about my husband project. If you read the comments section for my last post (“My Attempt at Making a Blind Date…” 6.16.16), you’ll see what I mean. Well, I think that tackling Step 6, advertising myself, is the perfect opportunity for me to finally complete Step 1 the way I should have done it in the first place! So here you have it, ladies and gentlemen. Once again, I challenge myself into doing something that is frighteningly hard for me!

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My Attempt at Making a Blind Date…

Beige dressLet’s call him Jason. Jason and I had started communicating through OKCupid about two years ago (and we even came across each other on Tinder!). We were obviously attracted to each other based on the pictures we had posted on our profile accounts. Not quite sure what happened but with so many of these dating site communications, we just stopped texting each other. A few months ago, Jason reached out to me again. He admitted that he was updating his WhatsApp account and came across my number. We continued our pleasantries by texting each other about how our days were going, about our jobs, his dog and a few other things. We even exchanged some photos and he made comments about how nice and fit I looked in mine and I complimented his pics as well. (I didn’t have the heart to mention how much thinner his hair was in his current pictures than it was in his profile picture.)

Now, as many of you know, I have been reading the book Find a Husband After 35 and Step 4 required that I go on three blind dates (“Keeping My Options Open” 5.5.16). I figured that Jason would be perfect for that exercise! After all, we had never met; we’ve only texted each other. So, with that in mind, I one day texted him and asked him about his day. He responded that he was at work and then I replied something about me being at work as well. That’s when he ruined everything! He sent me a specific set of chosen words configured together in such a way that immediately turned me off, making me seriously question why men can not just get a clue! The words were: “Now let me see that sexy body.”

REALLY?? REALLY??? REALLY????

He ruined everything! I didn’t even bother responding to him. I simply deleted his name and number from my WhatsApp account. Now there may be some readers out there who might feel that him saying that was not a big deal. Okay, I get it. Guys are visual people. And yes, we did exchange photos before. But our texts didn’t go anywhere near the perverse and I always made sure to keep it clean. He could’ve simply looked through the photos I’d previously sent him if he wanted to check out my body again. I know– it’s not the same thing. He wanted a different outfit, different pose, etc.

bitmoj_BooI have to admit, though, that I was extremely disappointed because I thought we could communicate without bringing it there just yet. Why couldn’t he have politely asked me for another picture without having to reduce it to the way my body looked? You might think that still wasn’t enough for me to suddenly break communication with him. The thing is, if this man, who had been respectfully communicating with me, suddenly becomes so bold as to ask for a picture the way in which he did, then his mind is only in one place. If I had gone out with him, it would have only ended up in further disappointment (which may not have been too terrible considering I could easily write about it (like I’m doing now) and file it under the Dating Disasters archive!).

The upshot? I’m not going to force this blind date thing. I’ll keep my eyes and ears open and hopefully have the courage to bring it up in conversation with people I know in hopes that they will happen to know someone who is willing to go on a blind date with me.

Until next time!

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