A few years ago, I was introduced to a revolutionary idea that came in the form of a film that changed my outlook about my own thoughts and actions. I was later able to get my hands on the book and the audio cassettes- that was how much I believed in its message. The message was simply called the secret, or what is probably better known as the law of attraction, which was compiled together in a book titled The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. It explains how we are the creators of our own universe. Everything that happens to us is a result of us attracting it to us through thought and belief and conscious intention. The “teachings” of The Secret is broken down into categories, one of which is the secret to relationships.
Having read this book many years ago, I decided recently to take another look at what The Secret says about finding love. As I retrieved the book from its place on the high shelf, I dusted it off, thinking about how much I had forgotten the details I had once lived by. I wondered whether I really was keeping myself from finding Mr. Right and I grew somewhat excited to consider doing something different than what I had been doing in the recent past. So here it is, along with my own thoughts and experiences, a breakdown of the teachings of The Secret when it comes to relationships.
“When you want to attract a relationship, make sure your thoughts, words, actions, and surroundings don’t contradict your desires.” There was one point in my recent past where I really felt sorry for myself because I did not have a boyfriend. Yet, instead of going out to try to meet someone or accepting invitations to parties, I stayed home feeling more sorry for myself. According to this piece of advice I should have been thinking positive thoughts about finding a boyfriend. Everything I said and did should have been in support of my finding someone to be with, which means I should have gone out more and I should have accepted those party invitations. Instead, I surrounded myself with no one who shared my desires and nothing that would have helped me find someone special. I was contradicting myself all over the place! I’m glad to say that I am now so much more aware and conscious of my thoughts, words, actions, and surroundings. I am now taking steps in my thoughts and actions to someday soon bring forth a positive relationship.
“Your job is you. Unless you fill yourself up first, you have nothing to give anybody.” For so long, I just disliked the fact that I was so shy and because I did not yet understand my introversion and the reason why I needed to always keep to myself. I couldn’t fill myself up because I didn’t know how. I didn’t know what was missing. Then I found it! Ever since I created this blog, I have started to feel so different. I am in constant reflection of who I am and what I’m really about and I’m giving myself the one thing that I haven’t given myself in so long: a reason to write again! I really feel like I am now filling myself up– and it feels great! And the greater I feel, the more I project that out to others , thus attracting like-minded people.
“Treat yourself with love and respect, and you will attract people who show you love and respect.” This is quite simple! People can pick up on how you feel about yourself and they behave the same way toward you. If you hold yourself in high esteem and with confidence, people who meet you will have no choice but to do the same. That goes for everyone, especially members of the opposite sex.
“When you feel bad about yourself, you block the love and instead you attract more people and situations that will continue to make you feel bad about you.” So true! Have you ever seen the Disney movie Meet the Robinsons? (Love it!) There’s this great scene where Lewis’s roommate explains why he hates him so much. The more he focused on his hatred of Lewis, the more he internalized the good things happening to Lewis as bad things happening to him. The more he internalized, the more he was blind to the people who wanted to be nice to him. It thus led to an endless cycle that lasted until he was an adult. He kept attracting negative situations that made him feel bad about himself by focusing on Lewis’s positive experiences. We do this all the time yet we are not always aware of it! For some reason, many of us love to wallow in our sorrows so we tend to stay in that state of sorrow. We tend to see everything that happens around us and to us as something sorrowful instead of seeing the positive in it, whatever that positive aspect may be. That is how we continue attracting those negative things and people to us.
“Focus on the qualities you love about yourself and the law of attraction will show you more great things about you.” Doesn’t it make sense that once you focus on the things that you love about yourself, your mind will open up to the other things worth loving about you? You will experience this through conversations and encounters with other people. You’ll experience it through the things that you do and the positive things you think about. Once you start thinking about the positive things, all the negativity will just go away. But you have to keep focusing on the positive.
“To make a relationship work focus on what you appreciate about the other person, and not your complaints. When you focus on the strengths, you will get more of them.” I happen to do this with my most troublesome groups of students. I once had a group of freshmen who were so talkative, ignoring me each time I asked them to quiet down. They were never intentionally rude but taking control over that class was quite a challenge– until I started complimenting them. Everyday, I told them what fantastic students they were and how much I loved teaching them. I continuously praised them when they did what I wanted and gave no feedback (not even a negative one!) when I was not so happy about something they did or did not do. I showered them with what I appreciated about them and they responded by giving me more things for me to appreciate about them. It only took a few weeks before they started doing what I asked every single time. They started listening, doing their homework, and were perfect angels when I was being observed. I had them behaving all the way through to the end of the school year. I loved it!
As you can see, these tips are not solely aimed at romantic relationships but all types of relationships. However, I’m sure you can see how one can use them to find a romantic partner. All of these will really help you keep a positive attitude, not focusing on the negative, so that when you do meet or date a potential mate, you are the best, most positive you that you can be!
I hope this was helpful. I will continue to think about these very useful pieces of advice. Thinking positively and consciously about my intentions and what I want continues to be a challenge for me but I’m better at it than I used to be. And I truly do believe in them.
If you want to know more about The Secret by Rhonda Byrne, google it or find the book, audio, or film on Amazon.com. If you have an open mind and like the ideas that The Secret presents, it’s really worth looking into.
Work Cited: Byrne, Rhonda. “The Secret to Relationships.” The Secret. New York: Atria, 2006. 123. Print.