Although not as reluctant as my twin, I too have found myself checking the ‘single’ box a tad longer than I’d ever expected I would… A bachelorette at the ripe age of 40-something. What happened?! What didn’t happen? How did I get here- still single?? Well, I have many theories about what factors in my life serve as culprits. One theory: my focused attention- to myself; to my work and career; to my fitness; to my twin and all aspects associated with that theory. But maybe what really happened was my lack of focused attention to the ONE- the very mystical and very illusive ONE.
Interesting enough though, quite recently, I’ve been hit with a revelation: What if (bear with me now) what if I had been looking for the one when I really should have been looking for the ones…. Uh-oh, I said it, I did. In case you were wondering, no, I am not a polygamist. I’m not into sharing my man, our life, our children and our bed with other women- that’s not what I meant. But I can’t help but wonder: were we as humans even meant to be monogamists?
It’s beautiful to know that there are people out there that have found their one– the one they could not imagine their lives without; the one they come home to every night; the one defined as the soul mate; the one they were born to meet and share the rest of their lives with (until they decide to divorce). Isn’t it all just so romantic! But how is it that just one person in gazillion can be everything that you’d need for the rest of your life? That’s A LOT of responsibility for that one poor soul!
A short while ago, I found myself in a situation where I had my grip on two men- at the same time. Each man was wonderful; however, each, very different. Each provided me with a very different kind of affection and attention- neither ever clashed. One didn’t do more than the other, they just did it differently. And I can honestly say that I sincerely cared for them both. The thing with which I had trouble wrapping my head around was how my feelings for one NEVER took anything away from my feelings for the other. In fact, interestingly enough, they each supplemented the other! Huh? How could that be? Every love story I’ve read and watched always ended happily ever after with one– not three!
I realized- even then, that what I was doing, most would regard as cheating; yes, whoring myself; leading them on, perhaps. But nothing about it ever felt wrong. The wrong I felt lied in the fact that I felt no guilt! They provided for me in such different ways that I began to question whether just one man would be enough for me… That revelation sent me spinning! What’s a girl to do?! Am I destined to be a ‘cheater’ or am I to now seek to enter the world of ‘open relationships’ where all parties involved are on board? Was it just this case or is my one still out there- ready, willing and able to provide me with a love that two individuals could not. And maybe- just maybe that’s what finding the one means… maybe.
To be quite honest with you, I’m still not convinced that there is a one. Perhaps I will meet someone that will appreciate me, love me and fulfill me ’til death do we part as we settle into what society deems to be the norm. Perhaps all my desires can actually be satiated with the right one. Perhaps I will always seek ‘supplemental’ companionship. But hopefully, no matter which it is, hopefully, I’ll find exactly what it is that my heart and soul need.
photo credits: the crosswalk.com and thissexysinglemommy.net