Simple Satisfaction

I was recently asked what do I get out of writing my blog, sharing something so personal with countless people who don’t know me and with the many people who do. Before I started my blog- in fact many years ago, I remember telling my mother that I wanted to write a book about all the funny dating experiences I’ve had. I recall my mom laughing and expressing her support, telling me to “Go for it!” But I never did.

The thought, however, always stayed with me. As my sister, my closest cousins, and I would share our unbelievable stories about some of the men we dated and what transpired on our dates, we’d laugh and laugh and we always exclaimed something in the vein of “We should totally write a book about this stuff!” But we never did.

And then, in recent years, upon learning that so many people have started their own blogs just writing about the things that interested them, I came upon the idea (with encouragement from my sister) to start a blog of my very own. And I did!!!

And what a journey it has been! What do I get out of writing my blog? I’ve learned so much about myself within the past few years. It’s scary thinking about your flaws and the steps needed to take to fix them. But my blog has forced me to think introspectively and face issues that I don’t think I would have otherwise allowed myself to face. I did it! I’m doing it! And I will continue to do it!

What do I get out of putting myself out there like that? Being so vulnerable? I’ve been criticized for some of the choices I’ve made or for just admitting some of the things I think, feel and believe. But I’ve also had people– friends, acquaintances and strangers– congratulating me on my bravery in expressing my truth. I’m always humbled by that because I don’t really consider myself brave. I invite strangers into my personal life in the form of a blog. I do it because I love to write and expressing myself is therapeutic. The reason is quite selfish- I don’t see the bravery in that.

But I am sharing my story and the people reading it are finding something in it that resonates with them. Otherwise, they would not continue to follow my blog.

So what do I get out of writing this blog? I feel appreciation for the people who take the time to read my words. I feel fulfilled in knowing that I’m entertaining someone with my stories. I’m helping a woman make an important decision in her life; someone is finding comfort in my words. I do it for the women out there still searching for love. This is for the women who’ve been scarred by love but have not been defeated. It’s for the women out there who silently cry for the children that never blessed their wombs. I want to believe that at least one person reading my story will think: Yes! That’s how I feel too! They don’t have to feel that they are alone in this. I tell my story to inspire others. As long as the words keep coming to me, I will be writing. And as long as I am writing, I will be posting. And as long as I am posting, I know for sure, someone will be reading.

What do I get out of writing my blog? Pure and simple satisfaction.

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The Irony that is Cooper

Yes, I think this is what is called irony. I’ve been discussing the idea of having a child with my gentleman for quite a few months now and he’s mentioned several different reasons why he doesn’t want one. Being an older man, he never expected to have a child at this stage in his life. Not only is he worried about the financial responsibility, but he’d rather spend his later years traveling and a child would prevent him from doing so.

Yet I found it ironic that as soon as I let the baby conversation go, he started talking about getting a dog! He even started looking into dog breeders and contacting them about the possibility of purchasing a schnauzer. I didn’t say anything when this was happening because I didn’t feel it was in my place to do so. The man seemed pretty adamant about getting a dog and I left him alone in his pursuit.

I still didn’t say anything when he sent me a photo of Cooper, the schnauzer he had arranged to pick up. It was a cute little thing, I have to admit. My gentleman decided that it was ours and that we would rename the two year old dog together. While I’m admittedly a fan of dogs, my heart has always been with the quiet disposition and independence of cats. I wasn’t interested in having a dog or sharing the responsibilities of having one.

As it turned out, my man realized right away that Cooper required a little more work than he anticipated. He’d had a schnauzer before and it didn’t need his constant attention like Cooper did. Cooper literally followed his every move. My gentleman had to be careful to not step on him or worse- trip over him! On top of that, it was too much for him  to walk Cooper every day because of a bad knee. So he had to hire a dog walker to come at least twice a day!!

Needless to say, it wasn’t long before my gentleman decided that it would not be feasible for him to keep Cooper. (Because of this, he decided to let go of the idea of renaming him, too.) Unfortunately, the seller was away on vacation which meant my man had to hold on to Cooper for another week before taking him back!

Now, I didn’t offer much in the way of advice about Cooper because I would not have been objective. I don’t want a dog barking at me or constantly at my feet when I go to his home. I certainly didn’t like it when he snapped at me and tried to bite me in defense of his owner!

I couldn’t help but wonder about the irony of it all: My guy purchased a dog— which takes time, commitment, work, money, and discipline. The same things- in one form or another- that a baby would require. There’s a lesson to be learned here, I think, by both of us. Was this like a trial run? A taste of what we are to expect in a future that grants me the wish of a child while I’m still with this man? Time will tell…

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